


The Trouble With Floaters

by ruff_ethereal



Series: My Boyfriend's A Copper [2]
Category: Penn Zero: Part-Time Hero
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1920s, Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Explicit Language, F/M, Fade to Black, Gangster!Sashi, Illegal Activities, Murder, Officer!Penn, Partial Nudity, Public Nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 03:27:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3594612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruff_ethereal/pseuds/ruff_ethereal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You think someone's trying to send you a message?” Penn asked, slowly putting her arm around Sashi's shoulders.</p><p>Sashi rolled her eyes, then snuggled up closer to him. “I know so. Dead criminals, disposed off in a body of water, chum tied to their bodies. They're copying my MO except the part where I make sure the cops don't find them.”</p><p>“This pissing you off, I take it?”</p><p>“No, actually, I'm only angry because some douchesnozzle decided to nick my milk from my doorstep this morning.”</p><p>Penn blinked.</p><p>“Of course this fucking pisses me off! And I already found the douchesnozzle this morning and made them promise never to do it ever again.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Trouble With Floaters

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts), [radiowrittenheart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/radiowrittenheart/gifts), [Penashi](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Penashi).



> So this is a thing now. The author gives full responsibility to the people that had reblogged and commented on their work on tumblr.

Bystanders assaulted Penn with questions--”Do you know who did it?”, “Who found the bodies?”, and “What did they look like before you zipped them up?”--and he brushed them off with the usual canned answers that revealed nothing of consequence.

Fortunately, they decided to swarm his fellow police officers than chase after him as he ducked under the line and away from the scene. With the hubbub at the canal taking the lion's share of the attention, he and Sashi may as well have been alone in a soundproofed room than out in the city's major fishing districts at the break of day.

“This is where my parents sail out to sea, everyday.” Sashi said as Penn joined her in leaning over the canal's pedestrian wall. Her lips were a hard line, her eyes narrowed.

“You think someone's trying to send you a message?” Penn asked, slowly putting her arm around Sashi's shoulders.

Sashi rolled her eyes, then snuggled up closer to him. “I know so. Dead criminals, disposed off in a body of water, chum tied to their bodies. They're copying my MO except the part where I make sure the cops don't find them.”

“This pissing you off, I take it?”

“No, actually, I'm only angry because some douchesnozzle decided to nick my milk from my doorstep this morning.”

Penn blinked.

“Of _course_ this fucking pisses me off! And I already found the douchesnozzle this morning and made them promise never to do it _ever_ again.”

They spent a few moments in silence, Sashi fuming, Penn with a sympathetic look on his face.

“Floaters are just a shitty decision, amateur or professional. When you get rid of someone, word gets around in the underground. When you get rid of someone and the cops find out, word gets out to _everyone,_ and then you've got a media circus. People protesting and complaining that the cops aren't doing enough; cops stepping up their game so they can stand and flash their stupid fucking grins for the camera while the reporters take photos of them and the criminals they've 'worked so hard to catch.'”

Sashi growled and looked down, shaking her head. “That's the trouble with floaters.”

Penn patted her on the back. “I'm gonna make sure they get the right perp.”

Sashi looked up to him and smiled. “Thanks. I know you will.” She frowned. “Not gonna count for much, though; even if the reporters know my style, you just know who's gonna be the prime suspect in all the headlines.”

“Anything I can do to help?”

“Stop whoever the fuck is screwing with me, for one! The best way to deal with a smear campaigner is to rub them off.” Sashi sighed. “You know what, just forget about it; I'll just lie low for a couple of weeks until this whole thing blows over. We'll either have a new darling for the metro, or I'll have caught this douchesnozzle.”

“I'm assuming Wednesday's off, then?”

“Yeeep. Here I was looking forward to getting blacklisted again, too.”

The last body was loaded into the meat wagon. The detectives were making way for the clean-up crew and returning to their cruisers.

“I gotta go.” Penn said, reluctantly taking his arm back. “Love ya, Sash.”

“Get the hell out of here, copper.” Sashi growled playfully.

* * *

“Knock-knock!”

Sashi looked up from her desk, a massive mountain of checks, leases, and other documents slowly getting whittled down; an ink well; two empty bottles of milk; and a well-used glass beside her. “Get in here already.”

Penn stepped into the office and waved. He was out of uniform, in suspenders, a loose dress shirt, and work slacks—his innocuous outfit of choice when working for the other side of the law. “Hey Sash, you busy?”

Sashi looked up and glared at him, her hand mechanically writing her signature on the dotted line of a check.

“Right, stupid question! I got a surprise for you out back, want to go see it?”

“No, unless you tell me what it is.” Sashi set the check in the signed pile, and grabbed another paper from the mountain.

Penn sucked in a breath. “Uh, yeah, can't really do that, because I want it to still be a surprise.”

Sashi rolled her eyes at him. “You know how much I hate surprises, right?”

“Okay, okay, how about we guess--”

“Stop fucking wasting my time, Penn.” Sashi looked down and put her pen to one of the dotted lines. “You either tell me what it is or you close that door.”

“Okay, I'll give you a hint: it involves a canal.”

Sashi's pen made an ugly, unsightly blot on the paper. Her eyes widened as she looked back up to Penn. “Did you seriously catch that douchesnozzle?”

“Well, technically, they're only a suspect, but--”

Sashi dropped her pen, letting it ruin the rest of the document. She hopped off her chair, walked out to the door, and offered her arm out to Penn.

Together, the two of them made their way out to the back alley, a huge grin on Sashi's face.

* * *

The perp struggled and shouted as the lid popped open. Their voice was muffled by the cloth tied around their mouth, their limbs bound by handcuffs and rope. Sashi whipped their blindfold off, letting them see her grinning face.

The perp stopped whimpering and struggling immediately.

“So, this is them, huh?”

“Actually, they're only just a suspect, but they _have_ been acquitted for a number of other crimes under suspicious circumstances, so hey, even if they are innocent of this crime!”

Sashi chuckled and leaned back out of the trunk, put a hand to the edge of the lid, and the other on Penn's shoulder. “Penn Zero, you are the _best_ boyfriend a gangster could ever ask for.”

She slammed the lid shut and pulled Penn in for a kiss.

Penn smiled as they pulled away. “I try my best. So, I called the guys at the docks, and the weather report says it's going to be a moonless, cloudy night tonight! Water's been pretty quiet, too. Shall I pick you up at seven?”

Sashi chuckled. “It's a date!”

* * *

It was so dark you couldn't see the perp's eyes as they went under. The clouds of blood from the chum weren't helping matters. Still, you could see see the water churning, and faint outlines of movement deep underneath the bay, and Sashi was just fine with that.

Penn wiped his hands clean of fish guts, oily slime, and blood with a towel. “Is the chum really necessary? Because this stuff is absolutely _disgusting.”_

“It's all about the presentation, Penn." Sashi said as she looked over the railing and into the water. "You give the stories a high bar to jump from, and it can only go up from there.”

“Nothing quite like the threat of cruel and unusual death as a bargaining chip, huh?”

“Exac--” Sashi looked up and squinted at something in the distance. Something flashed at her. “Shit, get down!”

Before Penn could even ask what was wrong, Sashi pushed him to the floor. She climbed on top of him, straddled his chest, and started unbuttoning her shirt. Penn watched silently, baffled and blushing.

Moments later, a police boat puttered up to them. The officers on board were about to ask questions when their spotlight fell on their boat—Penn hidden underneath the rim, they could only see Sashi, naked from the waist up, clearly kneeling on the floor.

“Do you _mind?”_

The police in the other boat stumbled through their apologies and puttered away. Sashi kept on watching them.

“They're gone.”

“Phew! Guess that means you can put your clothes back on now.”

Sashi looked back at him and chuckled. “You think that was the only reason I did this?”


End file.
